Kitap: The New Peoplemaking

The New Peoplemaking Virginia Satir tarafından 1988'de yazılmış (Virginia aynı yıl vefat etmiş). Virginia Satir aile terapisti, kitapta ailelerden elde ettiği tecrübeleri anlatıyor, sıkça yapılan hataları ve çözümlerini gösteriyor (Üstün Dökmen Virginia'nın Türkiye versiyonu olur herhalde). Pek çoğu biraz okumuş, sorgulamış insanların zaten bildiği temel şeyler: Açık iletişim, duyguları gizlemeye uğraşmama, suçlama yerine anlamaya çalışma vb. Dünyadaki sorunların kaynağının kendini değerli hissetmeyen insanlar yetiştirmemizden kaynaklandığı tespiti hoşuma gitti.

Kitapta altını çizdiğim bölümler:

[p.16] When a child has misbehaved, the father or mother moves physically closer to offer support. This helps the offending child overcome fear and guilt feelings and make the best of the teaching the parent is about to offer.

[p.22] Integrity, honesty, responsibility, compassion, love, and competence - all flow easily from people whose self-esteem is high.

[p.27] ...there is always hope that your life can change, because you can always learn new things.

[p.60] I am convinced most people don't hear how they really sound but only how they intend to sound.

[p.70] We pay a heavy price for not seeing and not hearing accurately: we end up making assumptions and treating them as facts.

[p.71] To listen freely requires the following:

1. The listener is giving full attention to the speaker and is fully present
2. The listener puts aside any preconceived ideas of what the speaker is going to say.
3. The listener interprets what is going on descriptively and not judgmentally.
4. The listener is alert for any confusion and asks questions to get clarity.
5. The listener lets the speaker know that the speaker has been heard and also the content of what was communicated.

[p.76] Many people intend to describe, but they distort their pictures by including judgmental words.

[p.94] You are apologizing for an act rather than your existence.

[p.100] In the vernacular, it would seem we are a bunch of emotional crooks, hiding ourselves, playing dangerous games with one another, and calling it society... For me, isolation, helplessness, and feeling unloved, low-pot, or incompetent comprise the real human evils of this world.

[p.147] For many couples, making decisions becomes a battle, either quiet or noisy, as to who has the right to tell whom what to do.

[p.148] Probably nothing is so vital to developing and maintaining a love relationship (or killing it) as the decision making process.

[p.270] As persons grow older and learn more, they keep adding to their resources... Get in the habit of asking each other, "What are we now capable of?"

[p.274] Varying job assignments can do a lot toward minimizing the "chore" aspect of family functioning.

[p.352] Very few communities have done much to organize innovative programs based on the resources of the older person... few have programs through which older people can contribute in a meaningful way to the community.

[p.373] There has never yet been a society whose priority and prevailing value was the worth of all human beings. We who are living now are the first to even attempt it. Our future in the world needs to be one in which all countries feel first-rate about themselves. This requires the same learnings that are needed to stop war and create peace.

[p.375] Statistically, men have died earlier than women ever since the Industrial Revolution.

[p.381] Many people still seem to act as if being happy will reduce the incentive to work hard.